Easy Come, Easy Go

This week I got a huge bonus by my nonprofit salary standards. And it was totally unexpected. Everyone at work spent the day talking about how they planned to spend it on new stuff they wouldn't normally buy, and I joined right in - "Yeah, maybe I'll take a trip or buy a new TV or kitchen countertop. . . "

And then I remembered that everytime I try to slow down on the freeway, my car feels like I'm landing a spaceship. So I made an appointment to get the brakes inspected, and just like that a big chunk of my bonus was gone. Now it feels like I'm stepping on pillows when I stop. I appreciate that. Probably safer, too.

But I notice that I never seem to get around to spending unexpected windfalls on fun stuff. There's always something to fix or a practical purchase to make like gas or groceries. I'm lucky I've never had to worry about making the bills, so I'm not complaining necessarily. . . Just reflecting on the fact that plain old, ordinary living is so expensive.

I sometimes fantasizing about getting rid of everything and living off the land. Not that I'd would last 10 minutes out there in the heat with the bugs.

Ever since I was a kid, hoarding my pennies to set up my first bank account, I've just always liked saving my money rather than spending it. I like watching it pile up on my bank statements. Even when I make a purchase that I absolutely enjoy and can easily afford, I feel a twinge when I see the money missing from my account. Of course, I can't not spend the money. That's why I earn it. And I absolutely understand that I can't take it with me in the end. But I'm strangely attached to it, and today I'm wondering why. That's all.